Monday, December 27, 2010

Does anyone else feel bad for this guy. Every year I get really annoyed with all the firing in sports. People need to start firing the GM's instead of the coaches. What is the biggest key of having a good NFL team? You guess it, a friggin' QB.

" I am sorry Mike, we have to let you go. You were not able to bring the playoffs back to the East Bay. We gave you everything to succeed, Like a really good QB (Alex Smith, Troy Smith, David Carr)."

Fucking 9ers. There best QB is on the practice squad, (Nate David).

This is the same thing as firing a Sales Manager for not meeting sales..

"I am sorry Sales Manager we have to let you go. You have not been able to sell these new microphones. We gave you everything to Succeed, like really smart deaf and mute salesmen. We are going to keep them and find another manager who can do better..

This shit pisses me off.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Yanks Discussing Manny

In what can only be described as a true sign of the times in the Bronx, the Yankees are having internal discussions about the possibility of signing Manny Ramirez. 

Brian Cashman must have a death wish.  First of all, the Yanks have actually taken their time developing Brett Gardner to be their everyday left fielder (an absolute rarity in Yankeeland, player development).  Gardner rewarded them with a .277 average over 150 games.  Not bad for a guy in his first full big league season.  The Yanks, if they pull the trigger on this, will either deal Gardner or destroy his confidence, while putting a guy out in left who can't field, can't stay healthy and doesn't hit like he used to.  Oh yeah he's also a nightmare in the clubhouse. 

So you say to me, why not use Manny as the DH?  Simple, because you are already paying Jorge Posada a ton of money to be your everyday DH at this point and you can't move him back behind the plate because you are also paying Russell Martin too much money to be your everyday catcher. 

The Yankees are shaping up to be a complete fucking mess by opening day.  The only thing more funny than this would be for them to sign (and overpay) Manny and then watch Andy Pettite retire. 

Diana Taurasi Tests Positive... For Something

WNBA ugly girl poster child and role model for lesbians everywhere Diana Taurasi has tested positive for a "mild stimulant" while playing for her Turkish league team, Fenerbache.

Despite the fact that this is bad news for the sport (not really), Geno Auriemma is bitching somewhere that it would be a bigger story of it was a guy who tested positive.  Hey Geno...  get a fucking clue.  Of course it would be a bigger deal.  People actually give a rat's ass about men's sports.

Taurasi's A Sample tested positive for a yet-to-be-identified stimulant but I can't help but hope it is something illicit, like cocaine (which she snorted off her girlfriend's belly) or testosterone.  It might make the WNBA slightly more interesting if the entire league was rocked by a drug scandal.

Or maybe when it turns out to be testosterone, Diana Taurasi will have to admit to actually having a penis.

The WNBA.  We got next... on the 'roids saringe.

The End Of An Era

Chad Yowell, legendary Executive Director of Athletics at Wheaton College, will be calling it a career at the end of the year. 

We at W&G love to goof on the Wheaton Athletic Dep't from time to time but I have to say, Chad was always a good guy and someone who seemed to care about the athletes at the school.  Thanks for everything you did for Wheaton Athletics Chad!

In related news, Associate Athletic Director (and much loved dude) John Sutyak will assume the position of interem Athletics Director in Yowell's absence.  Suty taking control is awesome, if for no other reason than the guy was a fucking deviant when he was in school there and now he actually has to be the guy making sure people aren't doing the same stuff he and his buddies were doing for 4 consecutive years.  Just AWESOME!

Christmas Wishlist

Less Dierdorf on the Pats games.  The guy obviously hates Bill Belichick and doesn't think Tom Brady is all that good.  He struggles to contain his animosity towards the organization on the telecast, to the point he appears to be openly rooting for whoever the Pats are playing against.  CBS, listen up, can the mustache or at least put him where he belongs, on the Bengals vs Bills game. 

The Stephen A - T Double Sports Talk Show.  Come on, tell me this isn't a great idea.  And it holds up so well with our washed up NBA guys theme.  Give me Stephen A Smith and Tom Tolbert doing a Pardon The Interruption type show, only eliminate the Wilbom/Kornheiser guys who actually know what the hell they are talking about.  It would be an entire hour of two guys arguing about stories except BOTH guys would be wrong about their take.  I also miss Stephen A's faux-ghetto shtick and Tom's need to constantly remind us that he did in fact play in the NBA.  I miss you guys.  Come back to us. 

The public execution of Rachel Uchitel.  This woman has completely ruined golf as a spectator sport.  Let's be perfectly honest, you used to tune in on Sundays if you were a Tiger hater or lover to see what happened with Tiger.  Most people rooted for him and some against him but either way, you had an opinion.  Now, you just don't tune in at all.  I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the PGA has taken out a contract on this woman's life, because she has cost them MILLIONS of dollars.

The elimination of television coverage as a whole for the WNBA.  Unless there is an official lesbian television network (oh, wait, isn't Oprah starting a network in 2011) there is no need for this to be shown on TV.  The thought of watching Doris Burke giving the hairy eyeball to the girls she is interviewing after games makes me uncomfortable.  I would say just fold the WNBA altogether but that is sexist.  So instead we just won't show this glorified layup drill on TV.  Go Mohegan Sun!

NCAA Suspends 5 From Ohio State - Looks Foolish Doing So

The NCAA is the most poorly run organization I have ever seen.  Explain this to me:  Ohio State had 5 players selling various different student-athlete perks (T-Shirts, Rings, etc.).  The NCAA finds out.  They decide to suspend the 5 players involved (including superstar QB Terrelle Pryor).  The suspensions begin effective immediately after these knuckleheads play in the Sugar Bowl.

The NCAA is SO awful about taking a stance and making their point in a way that holds any water.  For example, USC had to forfeit wins from the Reggie Bush era.  Here's the thing...  I was at a lot of those games, and USC won them.  I am not going back in my memory and changing the Ws to Ls.  You can change the record books all you want, but for the players that played those games and the people who watched, USC won them.  Basically it's a garbage punishment.  And we are going to see the same thing for Auburn when the Cam Newton thing plays out.

And the Pryor situation is just another example.  He's a guy who is going to play in his nationally televised BCS bowl game and then declare for the NFL draft about 45 seconds after the game is over.  So essentially he gets no real punishment whatsoever for his infractions.  And really, neither does the program.  It's a joke.

Here's a thought on how the NCAA could fix this problem.  Any money that is made by a certain program as a direct result of successes by players within the program or the program as a whole should be cataloged and required to be donated back to the NCAA endowment.  You really want to hurt a school/program for it's rules violations, hit them in the wallet and make it count.  Otherwise, the school will accept the records book changes, suck up the probation/penalties and continue on with business as usual effective immediately.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Give Credit where credit is due dude...

Stevie Franchise is the best you can do. How about Stephon Marbury with his second Chinese team in 2 years. Better yet Allen Iverson is about to be bought out by his team in Turkey to go play with Marbury in China... I personally think they should all come back and play in the D-League with the Idaho Stampede. Rumor has it Antoine has made some calls to his boys seeing if he can get the new big 3 together. They will be the first big three to take 400 million bucks and lose it all..

Stevie Franchise Plays in the Chinese League

That's right folks.  Steve Francis plays in the Chinese League at this point. 

This picture of Francis and his Beijing Ducks teammate raises an important question.  Can Francis make it all the way back while logging all his minutes as a Center? As the only guy over 6 feet tall in the whole league, where else would he play?  Doesn't bode well for an NBA comeback but shaping up as a Chinese League legend.

If I spoke Cantonese I would keep you posted on his stats, but I don't.  And really, we can only commit to one washed up former NBA guy, and that's Antoine Walker. 

Larry Brown Resigns - Nobody Cares

Guess what?  Larry Brown got fired by the Charlotte Bobcats. 

This brings the conclusion to the millionth stop on the Larry Brown Express.  Larry has an NBA and NCAA championship, and is the only guy who can say that, but the simple fact is that the guy either hated his employer or was hated by his employer at every stop. 

Larry, we will miss you.  But not really.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Walker Wiggle Update

The Wiggle had a back to back this past weekend.  Here is his line from the Springfield game:

46+ Min
10-22 Shooting
6-12 3s
27 Points
4 Boards
7 Dimes.

Dare I say it, that line actually looks like basketball.

The second of the back to bac was in Maine, with another showdown with the Red Claws.  The GOOD OLD ANTOINE WALKER returned this night.  Here's the line:

39+ Min
5-17 Shooting
2-10 3s
15 Points
5 Boards
3 Dimes

Pretty much awful.

The Miami Heat were starting to get that excited feeling after the Springfield game but it has cooled substantially after the debacle against the Red Claws. 

Keep a look out for more Wiggle updates.

The Miami Heat Lost

The Heat lost to the Mavs tonight, running their streak of consecutive losses to teams that are real contenders to like a thousand. 

The Heat didn't get a fucking thing out of their bench and supposed depth provider Mike Miller was an outstanding 0-4 for 0 points in his first game back. 

For those keeping the 72-10 vigil, the Heat will only need to go 51-1 the rest of the way.  Yeah, that might happen. 

Who Is Joe Webb?

He's #1 on the depth chart at QB in Minnesota these days, that's who. 

Webb, drafted in the 6th Round last year (199th overall) did not get the start tonight but played the majority of the game, looked a bit overwhelmed by the moment tonight at the University of Minnesota's football stadium. 

Webb threw a couple picks and had a low completion percentage but let's take that with a grain of salt, the Vikes were way down and had no choice but to have the inexperienced (6 NFL snaps) Webb throwing the ball on virtually every down.

To his credit, Webb had a nice scramble for a touchdown. 

Here is what I don't get though.  Brad Childress made all the personnel decisions for the Vikes over the past few years and he did so with Brett Favre as the QB.  Funny thing is that there wasn't another pocket passer anywhere on the Minnesota depth chart.  So basically, if Favre got hurt (as has happened a bunch this year) the backup doesn't really play the same style of QB.  Just odd if you ask me. 

Look for Webb to get the starts for the rest of the season.  Their season is over and this guy  CANNOT be worse than Tavaris Jackson. 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Ugly Ones Still Count

The Patriots, who pretty much sucked all night long, managed to steal a W late against the Packers. 

In a night filled with crazy stuff from the opening kickoff (an onside kick by the Pack), the star of the show was Dan Connolly (above) who ran a squib kick back 74 yards to the Packers 4 yard line.  The Pats punched it in for six 3 plays later. 

Pats rookie Aaron Hernandez had two touchdowns, including the go ahead with a few minutes to go. 

For the Packers, hats off to Matt Flynn, who had all the potential for laying a stink bomb, but was solid all night, save the final minute of the game.  The Packers D caused Tom Brady fits all night.  In the end, though, the Pack was undone by Flynn's inexperience, as they were unable to capitalize from inside the Patriots red zone and time expired. 

I'd like to say that the Pats will need to be better next week to win but let's be honest, Buffalo is just horrible.  The Pats need just one more win in order to seal home field advantage throughout the playoffs.  Just one more W baby!

DeSean Jackson Completes Comeback, Eagles 38, Giants 31

This game was so over with 7 minutes to go that I was watching other stuff on TV.  Figured, hey this one is over, check in on Saints Ravens or whatever, and then I tune back in to the game, and sure as hell here come the Eagles.  Down 21 points with 7 minutes to go, the Eagles start chipping away. 

They cut it to 14, get the onside kick, cut it to 7, get a stop then the Michael Vick Show starts.  First a 30 yard run, then a 20 yard run, then a touchdown with just over a minute to play.  Tie game.

The Giants get the ball back and decide to go for the kill, throw on first and second down but both are incomplete, so there's time left.  On third down, Eli gets sacked, so there's only 14 seconds to go when they kick the ball back to the Eagles.

The Giants punter stinks, a well documented fact.  Dude drops snaps, gets kicked blocked, the whole nine yards.  DeSean Jackson is back to return and you know Tom Coughlin told this guy to kick the thing out of bounds. 

Giants fans breathed a sigh of relief when he caught the snap but had that sinking feeling when dumbass kicked a line drive right down the middle of the field.  Jackson proceeded to muff the catch, pick it up and take off to the promised land. 

Coughlin pitched a fit, and then went out and ripped the punter on the field. 

Quite a game. 

Virgin Air To Start

I am a subscriber to the NFL package on DirecTV so I get every NFL game on television every week.  The 1pm (PST) games include a big time Jets-Steelers showdown, and yet I won't be watching it.  

Why, you ask?

Because today is the first NFL start for future wasted 1st round pick Tim "Virgin Air" Tebow.  

I really cannot wait to watch him try to scramble in the NFL like he's Michael Vick, except he's not Michael Vick, and hes certainly not Michael Vick fast.  Dude is gonna get killed.  

Jesus can't help you out of this one boy-o!

What is this world coming too..

I woke up to several great stories this morning.
-Greinke getting traded to another shitty baseball city.
-Magic blowing up their roster (see below)
-I have a big 30+ basketball tryouts this evening.
-And the Patriots have a huge game tonight again the D league of NFL teams. (No Aaron Rodgers)

This story topped it all off. Lindsey Vonn won female athlete of the year!! She won the award by a slim margin over Zenyatta. Yes you heard me correctly, she won the award over a FUCKING HORSE! What is this world coming to? Since when were animals athletes? How come there aren't female dog fighters in this conversation? Are you telling me Mike Vick didn't have any dogs that could win a female athlete of the year competition?

This makes me so angry and I am not sure why. Behind the STUPID FUCKING HORSE was Maya Moore the forward from Uconn. She has broken scoring records and has a team record of 124-2 and she finished behind a horse... What the FUCK??! UGH

Woodsy, why don't you comment on your horse Barbaro?! FUCKING HORSE

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Orlando Magic Blowing Up Roster

Now this is news.

The Orlando Magic, essentially saying out loud that the current team has no hope of beating the Miami Heat, are in the middle of blowing up their entire roster in the span of one day.  There are two active rumors flying around, both fairly stunning. 

First rumor sends Rashard Lewis to the Wizards for disgruntled gun-wielder Gilbert Arenas.  This is clearly not going to work out for anyone but god bless them for trying. 

The second rumor is absolutely fucking amazing.  In a situation where GM Otis Smith is essentially saying out loud "Yeah, I fucked that one up," the Magic are in the midst of trading Vince Carter (and useless tall guy Marcin Gortat) to the Phoenix Suns for Hedo Turkoglu and Jason Richardson.  The same Hedo Turkoglu that the Magic passed on re-signing in order to acquire Vince Carter. 

I don't know how you don't fire your GM if he makes this move.  Ultimately there is no clearer verdict on the Vince Carter deal than actually trading Vince Carter for the guy you could have (should have) had in his place. 

Turkoglu, as we know, is a good fit in the Van Gundy system, and I am anxious to see Gilbert play for a team that doesn't stink (a first for him).  Still not gonna beat Miami with that team I don't think but I gotta give them credit for trying.  And as an added bonus they ship Vince and Rashard Lewis out of town. 

The Walker Wiggle Update

A VERY fat Antoine Walker made his (no so) triumphant return to New England on Thursday night, as his Idaho Stampede fell to the Maine Red Claws, 105-99.

'Toine got his first start of the season and as clearly the best player on the court (not saying much), pouring in 25 on 11 of 20 shooting.  Walker also had 8 boards.  Only 1 assist (good to see the old Antoine Walker is still in there).

Walker also played 33+ minutes, which is amazing, I would have swore such a cardiovascular workout would have killed him.  

The Stampede have a big back to back this weekend with the Springfield (MA) Armor (great team names in the D League) followed by another trip north for a rematch with the Red Claws.  

By the way, the NBA Network is airing last week's game against the Utah Flash.  Shocking bad.  9 total people at the game, players stink, announcers stink, camera work on the telecast stinks.  Antoine Walker stinks. 

Rodgers Out - Matt Flynn To Start

Packers fans cannot be happy about Matt Flynn's homecoming to the Boston area.  The former BC star will be the starting QB for the Packers on Sunday night.  And the Packers are completely fucked. 

Flynn, who looked nothing short of awful last week after Aaron Rodgers was knocked out of the game, will get his first career start in quite possibly the worst possible scenario, in frigid, possibly snowy, conditions against the super hot New England Patriots. 

The Vegas line was Pats -11 prior to Rodgers being announced as inactive.  It will probably jump to something like Pats -30 by game time. 

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Day Cows Lived Longer.

Please take some time out before you start your weekend at this video. Super contributor to this blog Woodsy lives in California and comes to visit Boston at least once a year. Every time he come into town we need to take a trip to Attleboro, MA. for some BBQ. Every time we go into this place for the last 10 years we are pretty much the only people in there. On this one trip we were making jokes that this BBQ joint would finally be shut down. This day it came true. This was the day... The music dies....

Phoenix Coyotes Sign Amateur Goaltender

There was kinda a funny story out of New York yesterday where the Phoenix Coyotes, facing a goaltending crisis, were forced to sign a guy who played D3 college hockey to an emergency contract to be the backup goaltender for the night.  Tom Fenton, of American International College (Springfield, MA) fame got the call shortly before last night's game, drove down to Madison Square Garden and spent the night as an NHL player.  He even got to keep his jersey. 

The Chicago Blackhawks once experimented with this, signing Garth Algar to a short term contract following his skills showcase in Wayne's World in 1992.  We recently made contact with Garth

In recalling his brief contract with the 'Hawks, the always irreverant Algar had this to say, "Did you ever see that "Twilight Zone" where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool, huh?"

I can't be entirely sure that Algar and W&G were referring to the same contract.

Algar also added, "It's like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that's just really sad."

Algar also took the opportunity to comment on some hot sports topics, for which we are greatly appreciative.  Here are some excerpts:

On Tony Romo's Fiancee: "She's magically babelicious."

On The Belichick Era in Foxboro: "It's like a new pair of underwear. At first, it's constrictive. But after awhile it becomes a part of you."

On the Carolina Panthers Offense: "Wow, what a shitty circus."

On CC Sabathia's Expanding Wasteline: "I definitely smell a pork product of some kind."

We at Woodsy and Gordo want to thank Garth for his time.  

Today's Sign of the Apocalypse - McNabb Benched for Grossman

Donovan McNabb, yes the same Donovan McNabb who signed a 5 year, $78.5mil contract less than 2 months ago, has been benched by Mike "Not As Good As I Used To Be Either" Shanahan in favor of Rex Grossman. 

Rex Grossman, people.  RRRRREEEEEXXXXXX

Here is a general rule of thumb that perhaps someone should have told the Redskins before they traded for McNabb.  If a team in your division is willing to trade you their starting quarterback and get virtually nothing in return, you are making a huge mistake.  NFL teams do not trade players that they believe can hurt them badly to teams that they play twice a year.  It just doesn't happen.  So when the Eagles called up the Redskins and said "Hey, you boys want to deal for Donovan?  Seriously, all we want back is a 2nd round pick..." this should probably have raised a red flag.  Just sayin'... 

Who Is This Girl?

Meet Candice Crawford, former Miss Missouri and local Dallas sports television personality, but most importantly the future Mrs. Tony Romo. 

God bless Tony Romo, nobody puts their celebrity go as good a use.  Romo, who is a pretty average looking guy, continues to score SUPER attractive women. 

Romo, obviously a glutton for punishment though, is marrying a beauty queen.  I challenge anyone to site me one example where a beauty queen wasn't completely bat shit crazy.  Not a great news morning for the Dallas Cowboys, who were undoubtedly hoping that their quarterback would take a vow of chastity, or at least stop dating women with high profiles (Jessica Simpson, Carrie Underwood). 

Good for Romo though.  Gonna be terrible for his game but frankly that's a sacrifice he's obviously willing to make. 

Let's put it out to the readers:  Hotter than Jessica Simpson?  Carrie Underwood?

Chargers Roll 49ers

And yet, the 49ers still have an easier road to the playoffs than the Chargers do. 

Vincent Jackson pretty much torched the Niners last night, catching 3 TD passes (on only 5 catches!), totaling 112 yards.  Suffice it to say that San Diego might have wanted to pay this guy rather than have him hold out for the first 9 games.  You think Phillip Rivers couldn't have used a non-Antonio Gates receiver when they were busy opening the season 2-6?

The Chargers have the Bengals at home and Denver away, and will likely need to win both games to get into the playoffs.  And their reward?  Jets or Ravens/Steelers at the Jack.  The Bolts still trail KC by 1 in the loss column and only the division winner is going to make the playoffs.  The Chiefs have the improved and much better than expected (but still not good) Rams away and then close with the "Wheels have fallen off" Titans and the surprising Raiders at Arrowhead.  Still like the Chiefs if Matt Cassel is back from the surgery. 

Here's a random thought about the NFL Network.  The league continues to have games scheduled that are guaranteed not to be important on the NFL Network.  A far cry from when the Pats played the Giants in the last game of the 2007 season, when the Pats were vying to go 16-0.  It's a tough call for the Network because a lot of people still don't get it, but I just can't help but think that the league could increase its leverage by scheduling important games and creating an outcry/backlash against cable providers that think NFL Network is too expensive (Average $0.02 per subscriber per month on your bill). 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Slow News Day

Ridiculous slow news day.  Not a damn thing going on worth reporting or commenting on in depth.  Here's a quick rundown or today's skinny:

  • Rajon Rondo is on the shelf for a couple weeks, picking up an ankle injury.  Danny Ainge says that he will be out for a couple weeks.  Big loss for the Celtics, he does so much for that team.  Also important to remember that championships aren't won in December.
  • Red Sox signed Bobby Jenks.  Interesting in that it gives them an upgrade in the 'pen and puts a bit of heat on Jonathan Papelbom to perform, as there is a second choice available.  For counterarguement's sake, Eric Gagne was supposed to be that guy, and we all know how that played out.  
  • Chargers vs. 49ers tonight.  Here's the sad part, the 5-8 49ers have a much better chance of making the playoffs than the 7-6 Chargers do.  
  • Yao Ming is hurt again.  Can't tell you how bad I feel for this guy.  Talented player, nicest guy imaginable, and yet it looks more and more like the end of the road for him.  Big loss for the NBA if he can't come back and contribute.
  • The Tebow era looks set to begin in Denver.  Can't see that going well, but that's just me.  
  • Mark Cuban is working on a plan to blow up the BCS.  This strikes me like a lot of talk and not much action.  The NCAA is pretty tightly bound to the BCS at this point and I really don't see anything happening except for a cool idea that isn't plausable.  
  • In a bit of nice news, Charlie Davies, the US Soccer forward that almost died in a horrific car accident, will likely make his return to first team action with his French club Sochaux.  This is a guy I am totally rooting for.  I wish him the best.
That's pretty much it for now.  Check back tonight for updates.  

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Truth Hurts

Paul Pierce does it again.  What makes truly great players who they are (are you listening closely, LeBron?) is that when the biggest moments arrive and on the biggest of stages, they deliver.  Period. 

In a showdown between the East's lone superpower and one of the many teams vying to be in the conversation, Pierce rose to the occasion and buried the Knicks at Madison Square Garden.  Pierce went with his signature step-back and knocked it down with 0.4 seconds remaining. 

But the drama didn't stop there.  The early season MVP, (let's be honest, its the same terrible Knick team with 1 new guy, and that guy is doing EVERYTHING) Amare Stoudamire, gunned a 25 foot 3 pointer at the buzzer.  Only problem was that time had expired before the ball left his hand.  Celtics 118, Knicks 116.  Final.

Couple notes on this one.  First, the Knicks look better than the Heat, who will still be exposed for lack of depth.  The Celtics are still the class of the east.  They can go into your building, when you are totlally up for the game, and grind out tough wins.  That is what championship callibur teams do. 

That said, gonna be clearing the schedule the next time these two teams play.  Great game.  2 good teams.  Wild finish. 

From The Awful Jersey Hall of Fame

This gem from our friends at

For many non-New Englanders this one may be lost on you.  But let me direct your attention to this link so you can fully appreciate the power and grace that is Rich Garces. 

Rich "El Guapo" Garces was for what amounts to the length of a blink of an eye one of the premier set up men in baseball, and attained near cult status in Boston for the combination of his effectiveness and girth. 

The Red Sox, in a good natured attempt to improve Garces' quality of life, asked the guy to lose a couple pounds in the offseason.  The problem was that once El Guapo slimmed down, he couldn't throw as hard, which effectively ended his career. 

One rumored story about Garces says that after signing with the Red Sox in 1996, he showed up to Fenway on gameday and security wouldn't let him in the building.  According to the rent-a-cop working security, there was no way that a guy who looked like Rich Garces could seriously be a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, and so he told Garces to piss off.  It took Garces a little bit to sort it out but his agent and then Boston GM (and professional fucking moron) Dan Duquette were finally able to get El Guapo into the stadium.

Rich Garces is also considered to have the best set of tits in Major League Baseball history.

Brian Cashman Is Getting Desperate

I guess you can call this a sign of the times.  Rumors are breaking this morning that the Yankees are trying to work a deal for Chicago Cubs resident crazy person Carlos Zambrano.  Zambrano, a guy notorious for psychotic episodes on the field and in the clubhouse, could become the Yankees' new Kevin Brown.  That worked out so well.

Big Z, in case you were wondering, went 11-6 last year with a 3.33 ERA, which would be an enticing line for a guy that may fill the #3 or #4 role in your rotation.  But then you have to factor in that he was suspended by the Cubs a few different times for completely losing his shit in the dugout.  Added bonus, this guy has on two occasions gotten into fist fights with his own teammates during games. 

Nothing would make my day more than to see the Yankees pull off this trade.  This guy is a complete fucking lunatic and the New York media will chew this guy up and spit him out by the All Star break. 

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Nationals Splash Cash Again!

The Washington Nationals in their continuing Bizarro Offseason, have made another key pickup guaranteed not to really help the cause. 

Only slightly odder than the Jayson Werth signing was the news today that they had acquired RHP Owen Wilson from the unaffiliated Hollywood Stars of the Thursday Night Santa Monica Airport League. 

The terms of the deal were not disclosed.

Wilson, when reached for comment, said, "I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot." (From Zoolander, people)

The simple facts are these.  Jayson Werth may be an upgrade in baseball terms but can't put asses in the seats.  Wilson is the opposite.  And Washington will still manage to lose 90+ games again this year.  Worth noting, the franchise's best finish since relocating from Montreal is an 83-79 finish, finishing only 19 games back in the division.  Let's just say that it's hard to do worse than that.  So let's see how the Wilson thing plays out before we pass judgement.  It's not like the Werth thing, which is an unmitigated disaster and the guy hasn't even played a game yet. 

Sasha Vujacic Traded!

Mr. Maria Sharapova has seen the clock strike midnight on his time with the Lakers.  Vujacic, who actually played a roll on the Lakers team that lost to the Celtics in the Finals 3 years ago, has seen his role diminish to Mark Madsen levels.  Vujacic, the last man on the Lakers bench (behind Devin Ebanks and Luke Walton!) will be dumped on the New Jersey Nets, where he will join former running mate Jordan Farmar.

So "The Machine" heads east, to the Land Of Springsteen and the Atlantic City Boardwalk.  I always said that if the Nets didn't get LeBron in the offseason that the next logical move would be to trade for Sasha.  This guy can be a real difference maker, if the difference you are looking to make is all negative.

The Lakers got a new 12th man in the trade, broken down veteran Joe Smith.  The Lakers would have loved to have grabbed Juwan Howard or brought Kwame Brown back but both were unavailable, so they settled on Smith.  New Jersey also shipped Terrance Williams (Who?) to Houston as part of the deal. 

Classic deal where each team unloads shit that they no longer want on someone else.  It's like making a donation to the Salvation Army and being told that they will only accept your donation if you take some of the other crap they got stuck with by other people off their hands. 

Like Antoine Walker, we will be keeping a close eye on Vujacic's stats with the Nets.  As a Lakers fan, I actually wept tears of shear joy when I heard tonight's news.  It was almost as good as beating the Celtics in 7.  Almost. 

Wheaton Hoops Wins 2nd Consecutive, Captures Park Lodge Tourney Championship

The Walmsley Warriors strike again!

Brian's boys completely exploded against Regis (never heard of them) in the championship game of the (not quite so) prestigious Park Lodge Tournament.

Wheaton rode some hot shooting from behind the arc and won the game 73-50, Wheaton's most decisive win of the year (they only have 2) and Regis' most lopsided loss so far this young campaign.

The Lyons now head south to Wesleyan  for another shoddy tournament, this one called the Red and Black Classic.  In the opening game, they will take on MASCAC powerhouse Westfield State, who, astonishingly enough, has fewer wins on the season than Wheaton does. 

Editor's Note:  Enjoy the big time Park Lodge title, and go get 'em at the Red and Black Classic, as these will likely be the only tournament setting games where you are likely to be competitive this season.

Sterling Heckes Davis, Is a Piece of Shit

I know we are a bit late on this post, considering that this story broke yesterday, but it has taken us a bit of time to fully digest its absurdity.  

Apparently the reigning "Worst Owner in Professional Sports History" Donald Sterling has been heckling Baron Davis from his court side seat at Clippers home games.  

Let's take a moment and try to wrap our heads around this crazy shit.  First of all, isn't it a bit of an oxymoron when you berate a guy for being "fat" or bitching about his shot selection yet AT THE VERY SAME TIME paying that same guy almost .$11mil a year.  

Now the real question is this...  What is the appropriate Baron Davis response?  Sterling ins a really bad dude, a documented racist, slumlord, sexual harasser, etc.  There's plenty of ammo there for Baron.  But I can't help but think calling him out on the court may be the very best strategy.  Do it nightly, and make sure that everyone for 5 rows hears you call this guy out.  Because what can he really do?  Fine him.  Okay, but under that same logic can't Davis sue for his employer creating a hostile work environment?  It's not clear cut but I don't see why you couldn't talk smack right back.  

Perhaps Baron can remind "The Don" that the reason the Clippers are a laughing stock year in and year out is, in fact "The Don" himself.  

Crazy story...

Yanks Frustrated, Purchase 2nd Rate Catcher

The Yankees, like any Black Friday shopper who couldn't find what they were looking for, woke up this morning with a big fat wad of cash and nothing to spend it on.  Their answer this problem: Pick up Russell Martin.

In a move likely to end Jorge Posada's tenure behind the plate at Yankee Stadium, the Yanks acquire a once rising star (2007: .293 avg, 19 HR, 87 RBI) except it's not 2007 anymore and in reality they are getting a guy who hit .248 with 5 HR and 26 RBI in 2010, a season in which he only appeared in 97 games.  Added bonus, his OPS has steadily declined every year since 2007.  Oh yeah, he actually hits for a lower average still in the postseason.

Here's a move that makes little to no sense for a team with endless resources.  Can't help but think if they were looking to make an everyday change behind the plate, they would have spent the cash and grabbed Victor Martinez.  Classic problem when you put all your eggs in one basket (Cliff Lee's basket, that is) and it doesn't pan out.

The Yankees look really old on paper and a lot less dangerous at the plate.  Enjoy Russell Martin.

Monday, December 13, 2010

I'm BACK!!!!

Concluding one of the most psychotic free agent chases in recent memory, the Phillies have agreed to terms with Cliff Lee.

Consider me flummoxed.  The Phils signed Lee to a deal worth $115mil over 5 years.  It's an awful lot of money per year but at least a reasonable amount of years.  This is clearly a decision meant to say to the Yankees loud and clear "FUCK YOU!!!"

Nolan Ryan and the Rangers have to feel like they got absolutely fucked by a runaway freight train right now, losing out to a team that wasn't even a factor 24 hours ago.

Odder still is that Cliff Lee took less money to play for a team that shopped him and shipped him to the baseball equivalent of the apocalypse, the Seattle Mariners.  (unrelated, how can Ichiro be happy there?)

Mets fans have to be suicidal, they spent big on underachieving Johan Santana a few years back and have watched their division rivals Phillies amass a killer pitching arsenal, win the division, win a World Series.  All the while the Mets are still paying off gems Carlos Delgado and Carlos Beltran.  Another year without October baseball in Queens.

Texans Franchise Summed Up In OT Loss to Ravens

I don't know if you caught the "real" Monday Night Football game tonight, but if you did, you witnessed what can only be described as the epitome of the Houston Texans franchise. 

Let me recap.  Down 28-10, the Texans proceed to put on an absolute show in the 4th quarter.  Kick a field goal, get a stop, score a touchdown, get a stop, score a touchdown with 25 seconds left, get the 2 point conversion to force overtime.  In OT, the Texans get a stop, get the ball back and Matt Schaub, who was nothing short of brilliant in the 4th quarter, throws a pick six at his own 10 yard line and the Texans lose the game.

Schaub was just fantastic in the 4th.  He made plays with his arm and his legs.  His decisions were all the right ones, his receivers kept making HUGE plays when he needed them. 

And then the clock struck midnight, or the other shoe dropped, or whatever you want to say, and the Texans pissed away a golden opportunity to claim a win against a big time team. 

So goes football in the city of Houston.

Lee Shuns Yanks

In a movethat will excite Theo Epstein to the point that he wets himself, Cliff Lee's agent has told the Yankees, "Thanks, but no thanks."

In case you were wondering, this pretty much guarantees that the Yankees rotation will suck.  Outside of Sabathia, you are looking at 93 year old roider Andy Pettite and the ridiculously overpaid joke that is AJ Burnett.  And let's be honest, Andy Pettite is still firmly in the "maybe" column.

In another turn towards the bizarre in the Cliff Lee Saga, the Phillies have joined the race for his signature.   Can't imagine that in a world of accountability that Cliff Lee doesn't hold them responsible for treating the guy like an expendable hired hand, using him for half a season and then casting him off into baseball wasteland (Seattle) in the off season.

In the end, money talks but if you are Nolan Ryan, you've really gotta like your chances right now...

Keep an eye out here, as there is sure to be another batshit crazy development in this story tomorrow.

Brett Farvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve DONE!!!!

Brett Favre Consecutive streak is finally over. We never have to hear is name again. The friggin pussy will finally be out of mind. I also don't have to listen to my wife curse him out every time he is on TV. I am so happy!!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

This Week's Bottom Ten

In Other News

Here's a quick rundown of the weekend's sports action (and inaction in this guy's case)

  • Cliff Lee still doesn't have a team to play for.  Seriously dude, pick the $150mil contract of your preference and stop keeping up waiting. 
  • We get a second Monday Night Football game this week thanks to the weather in Minneapolis.  And here's the kicker, the Giants will be playing the Vikes at a neutral site (Detroit) because the Metrodome roof collapsed due to to the weight of the snow.  (Video here)
  • The NFC West remains the worst division in football... by a fucking mile.  Get ready for a home playoff game for the 7-9 San Francisco 49ers.
  • Urban Meyer left the Florida job for health reasons.  Do I give a rat's ass?  No.  
  • Arsenal will play Manchester  United tomorrow in a HUGE game in the English Premier League.  Many of you don't care.  I care BIG TIME.  Go Arsenal!
  • Brett Farve's 8 million consecutive game streak on the line tomorrow night.  He's kinda banged up and really super disinterested in playing football at this point.  Hard to imagine anyone is rooting for Brett at this point.  Dude has become quite a villain.
  • Aaron Rodgers was knocked out of the Packers' thrilling 7-3 loss NFC powerhouse Detroit.  Not an ideal situation ahead of their trip to Foxboro.  
  • University of Miami football can no longer be taken seriously.  They just hired the head coach at Temple.  Fucking Temple.  Was the guy at Northern Iowa not interested?  How about the guy at Alcorn State?
That should get you all up to date on the weekend's comings and goings.  Check in tomorrow for more from Woodsy and Gordo.  

Pats Roll, Jets Suck again

You can pretty much call this the day that the contentious AFC East was decidied.  The Patriots, a team you are a moron to be against in the snow, raced out to a 33-0 halftime lead against the pretender Bears.  Da Bears turned da ball over 4 times, which pretty much would kill you against Carolina, let alone the Patriots.  In my life, I have never seen a cold weather team like the Bears struggle more with the conditions.  Lovie Smith CLEARLY spent the week practicing indoors.  Turns out that was a big mistake. 

Mark Sanchez, who I hate disparaging because of his USC pedigree, looked rough again thi sweekend and the Jets managed only 6 points against the Dolphins, adding that to the not-so-impressive 3 they posted on Monday night against the Pats.  To Sanchez' credit, he hit Santonio Holmes on the numbers in the end zone wide open.  Santonio went all Braylon Edwards, shit the bed and dropped the damn thing. 

The Pats officially clinched their playoff spot while the Jets are trying to complicate matters for themselves in the playoff race.  I think they will get in but a 6 seed buys you a trip to Pittsburgh/Indy/Jacksonville/Baltimore, an unenviable task. 

Editor's note:  Did anyone catch the Jets assistant coach that tripped a Dolphins player running down the sideline mid-play.  New Yorkers.  All class, all the time. 

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Walker Wiggle - 3rd Update

Not such a good outing for The Wiggle

24 minutes
6 points
2-8 from the field
1-4 from the line
8 boards
1 assist
2 turnovers.

Editor's note:  It is almost sad.  6 points against D League scrubs.  If I put on a Stampede uniform tomorrow night I can almost guarantee I'm good for 6 points.  How broke must Antoine Walker be that he would be doing this? 

Next up for the Stampede is a return to the greater New England area for 'Toine.  Away game at the Maine Red Claws (seriously, who comes up with these fucking names?).  Once again, a roster full of guys I have never heard of. 

The NBDL.  Where "sucky" happens.

Who The Hell Is This Joker?

He's the new head football coach at the University of Florida, that's who.  Meet Will Muschamp, the former defensive coordinator and heir apparent to Mack Brown at the University of Texas. 

Here is why this hire makes less than zero sense.  Texas, who, mind you, played for the National Championship less than one year ago, imploded this year.  They went 5-7 this year and 2-6 in the Big 12.  This guy was the signal caller for a defense that was ranked 51st nationally in points against.  The same defense that gave up 34 (THIRTY FOUR!!!) points to UCLA's joke Pistol offense.  Better story still...  They lost 5 of their last 6 games, with the only win coming against meatball Florida Atlantic.  This hiring is like if you or I did nothing but shit work for an entire year at our job and then got a huge promotion at a bigger company in spite of it all. 

So Florida, which is a MARQUEE job in college football, hires a guy who limped his way to the end of the current college football season.  Are the Gators resetting their standards here?  Is the new goal of this program to bottom feed in the SEC East?

I mean, Jesus, this is a really good job.  And it probably drew interest from guys who were actually good, proven head coaches.  Still, Florida hires this guy.

Umm...  Headscratcher.

GSP Defeats Josh Koscheck by Unanimous Decision

So tonight I bought the UFC event to watch Georges St. Pierre take on professional shit heel Josh Koscheck.  Koscheck is a notorious smack talker in a sport filled with them.  No sport is more conducive to shooting your mouth off than mixed martial arts.  But here's the thing...  you better be able to back it up.

GSP, if you aren't familiar, is an absolute technician.  No mistakes, just ice cold.  Well tonight showcased just that.  GSP blew up Koscheck's right eye in the first round and there was really no turning back from that point.  Koscheck couldn't see a goddam thing out of that eye by the middle of the second round and was actually bleeding out of it in the 5th.  Dude essentially looked like Rocky in the "Cut Me, Mick!" scene in Rocky 1. 

GSP won by decision, winning every round on every judge's scorecard. 

I rarely buy Pay Per View sports because I always feel like I got screwed at the end of the night but I will tell you this...  GSP will deliver on your investment.  Dude is so technical, so clean in his performance, it always pays off.  The only problem with GSP versus other guys in the UFC is that he's not a knock out artist, so you are not likely to see him turn a guy off like a Cain Velasquez.  But the flip side of that coin is that he's likely gonna give you 5 full five minute rounds of action.

Still, the next time that Georges St. Pierre is on a UFC card, check it out.  The guy is fantastic. 

The Walker Wiggle Update #2

'Toine came off the bench again to help in the Stampede's wood shedding of the Utah Flash.  Walker logged 23+ minutes, shooting 5-11, grabbing 5 boards and doling out 5 dimes.  It has to be said that Antoine Walker is still readjusting to the speed of this second rate league, amassing 5 fouls in his 23 minutes.   Also not a positive sign for the comeback, 'Toine turned the ball over 5 times as well.

The Stampede were lead by former University of Arizona douchebag Salim Stoudamire, who had 19 on 7-10 shooting.

This league is bad.  Really bad.
In a clear and concise statement by the College Football writers of America, Auburn prostitute hired gun star quarterback Cam Newton was completely omitted from the All America team. 

The writers, without saying it out loud, clearly felt that Newton violated the NCAA's recruiting rules.  As you are all aware at this point, Newton's scumbag father made it clear to Mississippi State in the recruiting process that a simple scholarship would simply not suffice.  An additional $180,000 would be required to secure Super-Cam's services.

Could make for a very interesting Heisman ceremony.  Here's hoping he get's iced.  Let's face it though, even if he wins the thing, we can start the countdown until he has to give it back, a la Reggie Bush. 

This kid is really good.  But as good as he is at football he is equally as good at being an unmitigated piece of shit. 

Friday, December 10, 2010

Wheaton Hoops Off The Schneid

The Walmsley Warriors have finally cracked the W column, beating D3 powerhouse (as in I've never heard of them) Thomas at the very prestegious Park Lodge Tournament (Really?  The Park Lodge Tournament?). 

Walmsley coached a gem, keeping a high powered Thomas offense to just 67 points and squeezed out a 72-67 win. 

The game took place at Regis (where the hell is that?)

Congrats Big Walms.  Lynn Miller was starting to look down on your program.  And so was her... ahem... female companion.